I slammed down the phone, exasperated and almost yelling to myself “He hung up on me! Who does he think he is?”
He was the Informations Systems Manager for the company I worked for. He was late, AGAIN, on my project. I was grilling him on why, and who, and what, got in the way this time. Once I shifted to telling him that he couldn’t manage his way out of a paper bag…or something to that effect…he hung up on me!
I cringe thinking about it even now, over 15 years later.
How could I have lost it like that? How could I treat someone that way?
I was frustrated beyond belief and the project I was responsible for was in jeopardy. Does that give me the right to verbally tear someone in two?
Uncontrolled anger is a sign of so many “not good” things and it results in “even worse” results.
I needed some anger management.
Uncontrolled Anger Is A Symptom
But, my anger was just a symptom. It was a symptom, yes of his incompetency (just kidding), but more importantly of:
- My obsession with work – an idol in my life for sure.
- My fear of failure – I would succeed no matter who I had to run over.
- My need for control – I felt helpless because I couldn’t control this area.
- My lack of compassion – I was outraged that he hung up on me, not a bit concerned about the wounds I inflicted on him.
- My lack of leadership – who would follow someone who treated you that way.
Obviously, I wanted my project prioritized and I wanted all of his team focused on getting what I needed done NOW! What do you think actually resulted from my outburst?
- He was so mad he actually left the building – I think he went home.
- He didn’t prioritize my project until I got our mutual boss involved.
- He probably hated me until the day he left the company – which wasn’t too long after.
- Time, attention, and collaboration were strained and formal in completing the project.
- I had a recurring tape playing in my head for a really long time of this phone scene.
The first ten or so reels of the tape were from a view of I can’t believe this guy. Soon they turned to embarrassment over my behavior. Concern for my own lack of control over my emotions. Fear that he was spreading, gulp…, the truth about me.
It was horrible all around.
It was the antithesis of “treating others the way you want to be treated” , and it moved me as far away from the results I wanted as I could get.
Do Not Sin With Anger
We are told in the bible to not sin with anger. Just like everything else in the bible, part of the reason for this advice is because it is mean, wrong, and unloving. The other part is that it doesn’t produce positive results. It doesn’t work!
God knows what works!
Fortunately with God in my life now, I have conquered this personal problem.
The First Step In Anger Management
But as you know, with all problems, the first step in conquering it is to admit it.
Hi, I am Sue I am a workaholic.
Hi, I am Sue and I fear failure.
Hi, I am Sue and I have Anger issues!
Have you ever had an uncontrolled outburst at work? Looking at the underlying causes do any of these fit? What other core issues have you found may result in the symptom of anger?